Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
