i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I need moral support for this bender
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
