I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
