arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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