we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
