nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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