I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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