Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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