I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He did a backflip because drugs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
