considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize