I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
