She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
