Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
