Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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