You just made me feel so damn special
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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