exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
