what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
