She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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