I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
