I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
