this beer tastes like vomit already
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
