I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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