I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't turn off my feet"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize