U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
only you would photoshop your dick
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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