its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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