I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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