I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
