It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
