Jerry, you need to find god
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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