dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
