dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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