You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Is it because I queefed?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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