I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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