If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
