im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
