She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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