The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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