after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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