You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
