I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
