I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
