either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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