yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
