8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
