In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
