Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
