i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
