apparently the secret to your success is patron
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
