Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize