So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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