Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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