I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
