Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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