I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
