I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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