It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
