who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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