Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
