I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
