my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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