everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize