Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
