i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
