I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
