she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
