we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
