What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
