I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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