Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
