He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He has the fingertips of a God
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
