we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
