Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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