Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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